THE WALL STREET JOURNAL article: For Men, New Swimsuits With Drawstrings and Dignity

You asked for swimsuits … here we go!

The author Ray A. Smith gives a really good explanation of tips and rules to help with this years swimsuit purchase. I think you should follow his advice to a point and it’s definitely a good starting point especially if you are single and have no fashion sense. Swimsuits can actually be a very hard item to purchase because of “occasion appropriate” uses for all types and looks … make sense? You do not want the same swimsuit that you wear to the beach with friends to be the same one you wear to your company picnic/pool/country club event. If you are an athlete, you do not want to wear your training swimsuit to the beach or pool either. Ok, now you are ready … I think?!

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Richard’s 5 “Swimsuit” Rules:

  1. No Speedo’s! Do I really need to explain!
  2. No Jorts! If you do not know what these are … good! They are jeans cut off into shorts. This screams, my mother might be married to her cousin and for fun in the summer we try to catch catfish with our bare hands! … come on man!
  3. No Shorts That Are Not True Swimsuits WITHOUT a Liner! I love this guy with the Umbro’s on! Hey, these are soccer shorts and not made for swimming! I appreciate not seeing the outline of your junk every time you exit the water or a full view of it when you are laying out with your knees bent.
  4. Colors! Keep it simple and stay away from too much over design. I am always a big believer in solids for more formal occasions because they usually are not as distracting. I have camo print board shorts for the beach but would never wear those to a “business” outing.
  5. No to Cargo! Cargo board short type swimsuits are so un-flattering. You get wet and they weigh about 50lbs and make the lower half of your body about 6 inches wider on each side! Why do you need all of those extra pockets anyway? I know its because after they dry you can use them as shorts … wow the all in one! You do realize that after they dry and you decide to transform them into cool shorts you are walking around commando style! … just don’t!

~ Richard Maloof

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