HEY … “That Guy” (Friday Blog Series)

By Richard Maloof

The HEY … “That Guy” blog series will be light reading and give you a little something to laugh at before the weekend.

So it’s the first Friday of September and I am off to start my typical morning routine. I just finished my triple latte and I am off to the gym to get my workout in. There is nothing better then a hard workout on Friday to help me live a more guilt free weekend.

I belong to this gym that is relatively new which translates into low attendance for now. I always like getting there right after coffee because I have that little extra caffeine jolt to work with and it gets me going faster.

This morning at coffee, I decided to get water also because I felt a little dehydrated. I went back and forth in my mind whether I should opt for the nasty tap water or bottled water. I decided to go with bottled water from Starbucks, you know that $2 a bottle water. It’s bad enough that I spend $4.75 on a coffee each morning but add in a $2 water … WTH? I understand that the beans in my coffee were specially grown and harvested by a poor third world farmer, but water? Maybe this water was hand bottled in the rain forest and shipped to all Starbucks  … ummm YEAH!

So with my stomach full of caffeine and water I decide to use the gym bathroom before I hit the weights. I am standing alone at the urinal just minding my own business thinking about what I have to do today. I am not a big fan of public restrooms to begin with but sometimes you have no choice.

I am standing there alone mid-stream as the urinal next to me becomes occupied. At this point I just want to finish and get my workout in but “That Guy” interrupts that. “Hey man, you ready for football?” What … What? My words and thoughts didn’t match at all, “Yeah.” I was thinking to myself please don’t talk to me mid-stream, in fact at all. I have no desire to know whom you drafted on your fantasy football team or anything else about you while we are both holding our shafts.

I appreciate you being a profound conversationalist, just not right now! I am not trying to be a dick, no pun intended, but stick to protocol. Look straight ahead, no looking over divider, farting while peeing is only allowed at bars past 10 pm and not excessive, and NO TALKING!

HEY … “That Guy” (Urinal Talking Guy)